He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
