I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
