Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
