Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found a bag of teeth...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
