Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
