HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So. Much. Porn.
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