I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
