I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i barfeds in our rink
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
