your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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