Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
