dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Semen is not good for contacts.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize