your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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