I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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