well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
