Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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