i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
