She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
