I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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