I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
