Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
