eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
