i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
