I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
