there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
