I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
