I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize