Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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