sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
