We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
