Where is the hickey?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
