I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
