I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
