you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
