I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
