And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize