I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
