Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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