he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
