So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize