Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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