sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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