I heard we made out
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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