dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
