So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
