u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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