At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I could make wine with my vomit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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