Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
