I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
