Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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