i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
