hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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