do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my shit smells like andre
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
