you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
