I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
