Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize