cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
