office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
