So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we have officially lost it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
