he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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