My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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