Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
