Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
