I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
