You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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