The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
