I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You need a sexual gate keeper
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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