He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
