Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
