throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize