Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
