The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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