Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
