nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My brain says no but my pants say off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
