Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
