Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
