just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
