I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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