Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
