She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
