im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
