There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
