I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got inside last night via doggy door
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
