New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
