I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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