we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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