I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
