Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
