I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wear drunk well.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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