Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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