I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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