also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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