i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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