I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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