it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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