he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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