what day is it and did you see me today?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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