The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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